It has been an honor and pleasure to have inspired so many Black women
around the world to go natural. When I first put the video up, there were
only a few natural women out there on YouTube. Since I've posted the video, there
are now hundreds of others out there and I would like to think I and so many
other women had something to do with that. I have gotten stopped a couple of
times from recognition of the video and it just touches me that these women
say that I inspired them! Natural hair is much more than
an aesthetically acceptance of yourself, but it fulfills mentally as well.
Good luck on your natural journey!
So you have decided to go natural and am worried about your parents reaction? Not to mention your boyfriend, boss, and friends. Coming out ‘natural’ is like walking the streets fully nude. Everyone is curious as to why you would do such a thing!
Believe me, questions will be asked. Tears may be shed and you may find support where you thought you wouldn’t find it. Have no fear the following is a list of different scenarios you may encounter and how to cope with less than positive sentiments from the people who mean the most to you.
Older relatives who were born before the days of the afro are the least likely to praise you for your new hair style. As a matter fact, my great-grandmother looked at me and said, “Why do you want to walk around looking like that” god bless her soul.
Now this is funny, but at the time it hurt my feelings because I was proud of the stance I was taking. I learned to accept myself for the black woman God made me to be. I learned rather quickly that at 86 she wasn’t changing her mind and she couldn’t change mine.
Tip for your older relatives: Disregard their disdain for your hair. Sympathize and try to remember what era they were raised in. For my great-grandmother it was Jim Crow, white is right, and assimilation assimilation assimilation!
Your father may take this decision unreasonably hard. A guest on Tyra mentioned a father crying when his daughter cut off her long straight hair. Some fathers will be supportive and some fathers just won’t understand.
Tip for your Dad: Give your father some time to soak everything in and create a dialogue with him. When he speaks-listen. Thoroughly explain why this change makes you feel better as a woman and its intentions on your future. Be honest and tell him this is not a fad this is your lifestyle.
Okay, mom can be a toughy. There are so many different scenarios lets just go over two. Best case scenario Mom accepts your natural quickly. Win-win! Worst case scenario your mom is ashamed to take you to a dark theater in fear someone she knows may see her sitting with you.
I know that was harsh but if you were raised by a mother who is addicted to the creamy crack and raised you on it she may not be so apt to approve of your new found journey.
Tip for your Mom: If you believe your mom might be turned off by your new do ask to meet with her in a private place. Make sure it isn’t in public and that you two are alone with no distractions.
Wear your natural hair to the meeting. Listen to what she says and answer all of her questions. Don’t be defensive. Your mind is already made up. This meeting is more for your mom. To prepare her for your new lifestyle and all that may come with it.
Don’t force or expect your mom to hop on board quickly. It may take time but as with everything you show ’em better than you can tell ’em. As your hair grows her fears may subside.
The good thing about friends are they are very loving and understanding. If there weren’t you probably wouldn’t have them as friends. When coming out to your friends make sure you are wearing your natural hair. It may be a shock for them but remember this is your journey, not there’s. Some of your friends will be overjoyed when they see how happy you are and others may show you a new side you have never seen before. Keep in mind that friends are a huge influence in our lives and their acceptance of ourselves mean as much as family. Stay strong and don’t let your friends sway your decision to be natural.
They will ask crazy questions:
Are you doing this because of your breakup with [insert deadbeats name here]?
Are you on your period/menopause?
Are you suffering from depression?
Tip for your girlfriends: No matter what they throw at you just answer their questions. The sooner you get them on board the easier the journey. For the most part they will be intrigued and may try going natural with you. You may be their first inspiration to go natural so sport your tresses proudly!
Notice I said man not boy. If your boyfriend, fiance` or husband is mature he may be overjoyed that you have gone natural. Less money spent on weave and more on his toys! All jokes aside, men want their women happy. By deciding to go natural you most likely did it for your happiness.
Tip for your man: By the way ladies here is a little secret. Believe it or not your man wants to play in your hair during sex! Your man wants you to be more spontaneous and not worry about snapping your perm. Your man wants you. He wants all of you. Think about what Sanaa Lathan’s boyfriend said in the movie “Something New” he wanted to know what was under the weave. He wanted to really see her completely naked!
Most importantly, your man just wants you to be beautiful. Keep your beauty and confidence and that is all you need.
Boyfriend (other than a Black man)
When dating someone from another race it can be somewhat of a shock when you go from weaved or relaxed hair to your natural coils. Don’t be surprised if he and his family has 101 questions.
Tip for your boyfriend: I suggest you put on a good Youtube video showing a natural journey and have him watch it. Let him know that this is how beautiful black hair is and this is what you want to do. Do this before doing your BC (big chop) and you two can move forward from there.
Firstly, if there are any other naturals working at your job then you will be fine. If you are the only natural at your job you can gradually introduce your your new look to your boss. Try wearing braids or kinky twists to see how your employer responds. If they don’t flinch continue to do more and more ethnic inspired styles until you wear your hair completely out.
If you receive negative feedback you must decide if this journey is worth your career. Remember, discrimination is illegal, however we all know that sometimes its easier to fall in line when you have bills to pay.
However, if you forget everything else in this blog don’t forget this, sometimes being a pioneer takes strength. You may be the first but your courage will pave the way for others to be able to wear their hair as they please and be judged on their credentials and not there looks.
Anything worth having is not always easy. Your natural hair journey is well worth the questions, misunderstands, and tears.
You have a wealth of support at NuDuNewsletter
WELCOME TO THE JOURNEY SISTAH!
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Tell us about your experience coming out ‘natural’.